No One Special

 

It’s right there in the blog title. I'm just a trans woman with a lot of thoughts. It seems an apt description of myself; though certainly not something that's unique to only me.

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to start something like this. My earliest attempts were at my own personal webpage, built for free on the "super cool" Angelfire website; which I was surprised to find actually still exists!

I was so proud of that thing, it taught me the very basics of HTML while building it too. It sported a homepage, an about page, a contacts page, and like many a site of the early aughts (2000 -2003) it possessed a guestbook for visitors to leave a comment. Though I never had any visitors save for a couple of friends.

This would be the very first failure of its kind in my life. Over the next twenty years I have also attempted to start a few YouTube channels, a couple of blogs, tried becoming a live streamer on Mixer (Microsoft’s alternative to Twitch) and even started a streamer promotion venture… With the exception of that last one I kept running into the same problem. I had the desire but no real concept. How do you create content when you don’t know what that content should be? You need a subject matter and I couldn’t think what that subject should be. It was like trying to write a research paper when all you can manage is your name.

I think it was FOBO—Fear of Better Options. My own interests vary week to week, sometimes day to day probably because of my ADHD. Well, my thus far undiagnosed ADHD as treatment is expensive. So deciding on one particular niche was hard. How can I commit to a Let's Play channel when I may want to produce some cool educational content like Vsauce? So in the end I always gave up.

But this is a personal blog so I’m not going to worry about subject matter. Will I ever make money off of it? I can't imagine I will but at least I can give myself a sense of accomplishment.

I’m setting the date. If I make it twelve months actively working on this blog then I've finally accomplished something I can feel good about.